Keep Your Head Above
by gleefan13
Summary: You gotta swim, through nights that won't end. A collection of missing and extended scenes from Swim.


A/N: So I'm leaving Thursday morning for an extended weekend getaway, which unfortunately means I won't have time to get around to updating Swim until the weekend after that. However, I really really didn't want to leave you all with absolutely nothing for two whole weeks, so I decided to do a short little something different. I've actually been kicking around the idea of doing missing/extended scenes for my fic Swim for a while now. Before I started writing Swim I came up with an outline for that story that had distinct moments/themes/thoughts/milestones that I wanted to cover in each chapter and, with a few minor tweaks, I've mostly been sticking to that outline. Overall I do feel happy with the pace/flow of Swim (hopefully people reading it feel the same) and I do still intend to stick to my original outline. But still, that being said, since Swim spans a time period of about 8 months, following my original outline means that there are lots and lots and lots of things going unwritten – both things I've mentioned in passing within Swim but not explicitly detailed (example the conversation between Lena/Stef/Callie re: no more school) and moments that weren't mentioned at all (you may have noticed that the siblings are being pretty regularly ignored in favour of more Callie/Stef/Lena scenes). There are a couple of things that I really want to write, so I will definitely be doing at least a few of these missing/extended scenes but from there I will probably leave it up to you guys...the possibilities really are endless. If there is any interest I could definitely do quite a few more of these (especially once Swim is actually done). Also, if there is anything you really want to see (again either that Swim mentions in passing or something completely unique) I would definitely love to hear your thoughts.

A/N 2: Alright, you've probably stopped reading because the first author's note was ridiculously long but just in case you haven't I wanted to quickly intro this extended scene. When I wrote the Callie shaves her hair scene in Chapter 9 I had originally intended it to be longer but as I started writing it I realized that I really wanted it to end on her thought that "for the first time in months, she felt strong". This extended scene covers what happened _after_ that.

**The Offer**

**_What:_** Extended Scene

**_When:_** Set during _Chapter 9: Holding On, Letting Go_; Occurs immediately after Callie shaves her remaining hair off

xxxxxx

As the rest of his family fluttered around Callie, sweeping up the hair off the floor and talking animatedly, Jesus shuffled closer to the counter. He stared at the clippers his mom had set down for a moment before he reached over and picked them up. He turned them over in his hand before he used his thumb to click the button on the side into the on position, the buzzing noise instantly filling the room.

At the noise, all eyes went from Callie to Jesus.

"What are you doing?" Stef asked, shooting Jesus a raised eyebrow in confusion.

Jesus just shrugged nonchalantly, moving his thumb back to the switch and turning the clippers off. He set the object back on the counter before turning his gaze towards Callie, asking offhanded, "Do you think I would look as badass as you without any hair?"

Callie stilled as first confusion, and then surprise, flitted across her face. "Umm…" she stuttered, "Maybe?"

"Ya, she's just being nice. I highly doubt it," Brandon laughed.

"What, you think you'd look better?" Jesus shot back.

Brandon shrugged one shoulder, "Possibly."

Jesus' eyes twinkled then as he rocked on the balls of his feet, "What do you say we find out?"

Brandon understood what Jesus was really asking him, what his intentions had probably been all along. He wanted them to shave their heads in support of Callie. Brandon's eyes drifted towards Callie. _Would that help her? _He would do it in a heartbeat if it would make her feel even just a little bit better about losing her hair. "Sure…" he said slowly, subconsciously reaching up and running his hand through his hair, his eyes still on Callie, the word coming out sounding more like a question than a confirmation of his intentions.

"You're going to shave your hair?" Jude asked and then didn't wait for an answer to add, "Can I too?" The small smile on his face conveyed eagerness to be included. If his older brothers were going to shave their hair for Callie, then he wanted to too.

Callie paled. They were being sweet, really sweet, and looking at their eager faces all she wanted to be able to do was nod and say, 'sounds great'. She wanted to let them do this for her because clearly they wanted to do _something_ and she wasn't sure it was fair for her to say that they couldn't. But just the thought of Jude having no hair was making it hard to breath. Looking at her bald head in that hand held mirror moments ago had made her feel strong but she knew that seeing Jude or Brandon or Jesus without hair wouldn't make her feel the same way. Yes, it might make her feel loved – even just the offer made her feel loved – but it definitely wouldn't make her feel strong. Instead, she was pretty sure it would make her feel guilty. Guilty that _her_ problems, that _her_ cancer, had dared touch_ their_ lives, had dared affect _them_. She knew her diagnosis and treatment were taking a toll on everyone –she saw it in the bags under Stef's eyes, in the ever so subtle slump in Lena's shoulders that hadn't existed previously, in the way Jude smiled just a little bit less than he used to, she heard it in bits and pieces of hushed conversations, warnings to keep quiet, or to be careful, or soft words of comfort intended to ease fears, and she felt it every time she caught someone staring in her direction just a little too long. The truth was she felt guilty almost all of the time anyway but she feared that seeing her brothers without hair would certainly be too much. She feared that the constant visual reminder of the impact that her illness was having on this family would cause that ever present guilt to reach up and strangle her.

The boys' discussion about shaving their heads had made Stef's heart swell with love and pride. The look she shared with Lena confirmed that they were thinking the same thing – their children really were wonderful. As her eyes drifted in Callie's direction though and she watched her already perpetually pale daughter turn into a near ghost, she frowned, concerned. She moved closer to Callie and placed her hand lightly on the girl's lower back, whispering, "Okay?"

"I…" Callie couldn't figure out what to say and her eyes drifted almost subconsciously towards Jude, "No."

Stef followed Callie's gaze to Jude and, even though the girl hadn't said much, Stef was pretty sure she understood. "Hey boys," she called to her sons, interrupting their conversation about who was going to look better bald, "Maybe before you do anything drastic you should ask Callie what she thinks about you shaving your hair? Yes?" It was offered lightly, not chastising, simply a suggestion.

All eyes were on Callie then and she froze like a deer trapped in headlights. Her breathing suddenly felt funny, like maybe that guilt had decided to try and strangle her now. _Could she really tell them no? Would that upset them? Would it make her seem ungrateful?_

"Callie?" Lena asked softly, the word laced with concern at the expression on the girl's face.

"Umm…" Callie bit her lip, "I…I just…I think that…one bald person per household is probably enough."

"Oh, thank goodness," Mariana spit out as soon as the words left Callie's mouth. Her words were light, her sole intent on dispelling the tension she could see creeping up Callie's shoulders, "Because I'm almost positive Jesus' head is horribly misshapen and I was just standing here horrified trying to figure out how I was going to manage to eat after seeing it."

"Hey…" Jesus protested.

And just like that everyone around Callie was laughing and what had felt like a big deal for a split second didn't feel like any deal at all anymore. No one was upset that she had said no. No one seemed even remotely bothered at all.

Callie's breathing was nearly back to normal when Jesus walked over and draped his arm lazily around her shoulders. "I don't think any of us would have been as badass as you anyway," he told her.

Callie smiled, leaning in closer to him, soaking up his warmth. She didn't say anything for a moment but eventually impossibly soft words left her mouth, "It was really nice of you to offer. Means a lot. Thanks."

It was the truth. She might not have been keen on having the boys follow through with shaving their heads but the offer itself had still managed to have its desired effect. She felt thoroughly loved.


End file.
